Left-wing Appalachian Taliban

Naturally, ValleySense is facing extensive and malicious foul-mouthed attacks from both the open and the disgusted Learning Disabled Democrats, better known as the Left-wing Appalachian Taliban. But with a little valley common sense and plenty of good Christian values, the new & improved Valleysense blog can withstand the torrent of smears from the local liberal Democratic establishment.

Because under the guidance of these socialist misfits, Yankee transplants and the religious outcast, humanist & atheist, the membership of the ultraliberal Valley Democratic Party seek to:
(a) deny the many atrocities of the Democratic welfare state;
(b) destroy small business financial opportunities & property ownership;
(c) ignore individual responsibilities & accountability within our American society;
(d) teach our innocent children hedonist sexual acts within public school clubs;
(e) worship false idols & clay-footed gods with their synthetic haloes;
(f) tax everything that moves; including the taxing of dead folks & farm equipment & fertilizer.

As you will see unfold in the local House of Delegates campaigns, Valleysense gets into this fight against the Left-wing Appalachian Taliban through incidental web log necessity.

The Valleysense blog is now ours to spread the good and righteous word of conservatism. This is a fact that the fundamentally decent, God-fearing residents of the Shenandoah Valley have overwhelming voted for ultraconservative candidates in the past, but not all good citizens grasp the kind of half lie-half mistruths dished out by these Democratic enemies with which it now has to deal.

Visibly, we must halt and expose and rout these organized forces of Howard Dean's liberal evils as the shock and awe campaign commences. Journalistic bombshells away we shall blog!

God Bless America.

OD

what the indians don't want you to know

some people think the native americans were the first ones here. well it's not true. scientists recently found a human footprint inside of a dinosaur footprint in north america. this not only disproves evolution once and for all, but it means that the indians (who wore silly shoes and never went barefoot) cannot have been in north america originally. it was the white people

but you won't hear about any of this in the liberal media, because all they want to tell you is lies about how the indians were slaughtered. well it's not true. america has never errored in any way, except for allowing homosexual marriages recently in taxchusetts.

we must shut down the methadone clinics

discussion topic:

oxycotton, and then methadone, is killing the valley-folk and sweeping the nation (is it a coincidence that it directly followed the legalization of homosexual marriage in massachusetts?).

National Day of Prayer - We need it

Today is the National Day of Prayer. We need to pray. One of the top items on our prayer lists today should be the Christian teachers over at Waterman Elementary School in Harrisonburg.

It seems that their Principal, Mr. Painter, has done it again. After banning Christmas decorations, he now tells his teachers he doesn't want them out around the flagpole praying.

They'll be in one of the classrooms, instead. Let's remember them and ask for strength and protection for them, and don't forget to give thanks for the faithful remnant in our schools.

We've Got us a Real Live E-nigma

I'm happy to announce that the one and only Pastor John has come for a little peace in the Valley. We're real pleased that he's here to give us provincial valley hicks a little broader appeal.

Pastor John really knows a lot of stuff. He's been to southeast Asia, and knows stuff about the freemasons and the Scientologists and the Christian Scientists and the Pope. He knows who's really behind the goings-on in the meat industry, and knows to call General Motors when the Internet goofs up.

Best thing about Pastor John is that he's willing to inform us. Not in that creepy, condescending, liberal Democrat kind of way, but with that clear, powerful, annointed truth that he must have picked up in seminary.

His inspired writings have developed quite a following, and we really appreciate the good Reverend agreeing to spread the love. Maybe, one day, we can get Pastor John to come to Harrisonburg for a revival.

Many of the Pastor's readers wonder if he's real at all. All I've got to say is that his writings are really real. If it does turn out that he's really the head coach of the Albanian Gerbil Olympics team, we at Valley Sense will weather it well, and will probably score lots of extra points for our noble display of tolerance in adding a diverse viewpoint to our Editorial Board.

Meanwhile, we hope to start racking up some of PJ's web hits that we've been coveting. Maybe, we'll get our own little fella shouting "TAKE THIS BLOG DOWN" as the first comment to every new post. That would be cool. We might even achieve the lofty goal of qualifying as a trailer park blog. If we do, we'll invite Will Vehrs to help round out his stature as the leading intellect in Virginia political bloggery.

homosexuals lured me into their grasp

what is this? how am i here?

sean hayes? have you sent me here?

Schizophrenia

Norm at One Man's Trash reveals the reason behind this weekend's lull in the left-wing shrieking on Virginia's political blogs.

Meanwhile, Mr. Cushing at Commonwealth Watch posts today about the efforts of the local Democrats to convince folks here in the Valley of their conservative credentials in today's DNR (with facilitation by reporter Rob Longley).

An indicator of the Democrats' ability to walk and chew gum would be to see how many of Lowell Fulk's cronies were lapping it up at the move-on-dot-orgy in Charlottesville.

Lay off the Red Meat

Seldom has Lowell Fulk said anything more than the equivalent of a lower-lip biting "I feel your pain" to any of the issues that should be at the core of a campaign for the House of Delegates, but a local GOP leader relayed this anecdote to me that highlights Lowell's amazing perceptiveness.

Several months ago, at the height of the "Gay/Straight Alliance" controversy at Harrisonburg High School, Fulk went fishing for support (or something) among District Republican leadership. He calls this party activist up on the phone and invites him to lunch. Just making chit-chat, the GOP guy asks Lowell what he thinks about the flap.

Ever prepared with an important and relevant factoid to illuminate an issue for those of us who without his guidance would be unable to comprehend such matters, Fulk informs the Republican that he subscribes to the findings of a recent, groundbreaking study performed by a group of highly-acclaimed Japanese researchers who have unlocked the secrets of being gay.

It seems that, in Japan anyway, the incidence of homosexuality is directly proportionate to the population's consumption of red meat. Something to do with the growth hormones and steroids and such the cattle industry uses to produce the choicest cuts.

You see, while we lower-order beings are bickering about whether loafer-lightness is inherent or a behavioral choice, Lowell knows its neither. He understands that the poor souls are victims of the Outback/Texas Steakhouse/Omaha Mail-Order Meat Company conspiracy. (So, go easy on them, Pastor John.)

There you have it.

Half the story, anyway.

Lowell won't divulge the real hidden impetus behind the liberals' all-out promotional efforts to normalize homosexuality and to raise up a new generation of hobby-sodomists.

Evil Corporate America.

This time, though, the lurking shadow figure is not Haliburton. Rather, it's Archer Daniels Midland. Truth be told, ADM is just using the Deaniacs to to develop new markets for the the R&D investments they've made for a shining future in gerbil farming.

Shhh....