Rules of Golf Moscow Country Club

1. Each congressman, staffer and lobbyist player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
2. Play must be permitted by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Congressmen are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Congressmen reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the congressman is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the Moscow Country club entire course with special attention to well-formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other, like St. Andrews courses they have played, or are currently playing to the Russian owner of the course being played. Angry course owners have been known to damage congressmens' equipment and reputations for this reason.
9. Congressmen are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Congressmen should ensure that the match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous congressmen have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Congressmen should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The Moscow Country Club is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Bag your balls and putter on out of here! It always pays to keep your club head covered. Beware playing the front nine, you could wind up being accused of spying. He was using his fairway woodie. He scored a hole in one. He was playing in deep rough. He had a four stroke average. He chose not to heed Jesse Jackson's advice: "Stay oud de bushes." This Abramoff guy puts the CAD in Caddie. Okay, I guess he likes a firm shaft. This congressman gives new meaning to "ball washer." How many dimples are there on his balls? Ask Susan H.

How many shots are in a bottle of whiskey? Don't play with fire and combustibles! Lest you'll become a fire-breather.

OD